i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
