I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
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Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
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I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
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