What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We left the knife in your bed.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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