Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
