Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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