batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
