You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
