just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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