Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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