Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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