No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
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He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
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I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize