My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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