Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
