My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
