a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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