every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
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You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
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I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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