He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We're too hungover to prance.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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