i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
