Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
