Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he fucked my hip out of place.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
