used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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