In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
