If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
