i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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