I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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