well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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