I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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