I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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