i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
