those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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