I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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