Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
