the new term for farting is butt boxing.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
