just tell him i said nine months
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
