She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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