i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
