please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
