My balls are so social today.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
