cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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