when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
