I am midnight drunk by noon
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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