Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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