i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
