just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
