In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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