I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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