oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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