I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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