I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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