Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
