I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
