My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize