Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
