yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
