I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
