her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
