I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
