every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
