How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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